Here, the brief was to write a blog combining my favorite topics: Cats, human psychology and soccer.
Not because they have instinctively great reflexes or they are built to be precisely punctual jumpers. Because they don’t care. Do you agree? I mean do you also think that in order something to be yours you shouldn’t care about that? Let’s fix that.
Most of the time depending on how we are brought up by our families we tend to mix up “caring” with “scaring”. The title for this blog could also be “Why some people get successful when they care and why some don’t” and also would be boring.
Are you one of those people when you care about someone or something, when you hold something as precious and worthy you lose it? Stop, it doesn’t happen to everybody, it happens to you because the way you behave with what you care. You learned that skill from your parents.
“You lose when you care”. Either you should stop caring and don’t lose or you should change your behavior pattern. What is the pattern? The pattern is this: You care about someone, you love her. You think loving her requires you to be with her all the time. Because your mom loved you and she was with you all the time. You apply this pattern subconsciously. Ah subconscious, you again. When you don’t leave your loved one alone she has enough of you, gets bored from you and there it is, congratulations, she is gone. What happened? You applied a mom-son relationship to a totally different situation. It would work if you were her mom and she was your 3 years old son.
One more example and we are done. Let’s go careerwise. You are a goalkeeper in a well-known club, but they have just signed you. You have to prove yourself to be permanent. What do you do? Ask yourself! Your answers are probably: “Train hard and extra everyday, believe in yourself.” Aha! There it is! Firstly, you work physically then you believe in yourself. Whose pattern is this? This pattern contains a hidden third one: either it is “Be successful” or “do not be afraid of being unsuccessful”. I want you to imagine an Indian father who tells his son that he will be the most successful goalkeeper of all time. Wait. Back up. Let’s change the parent, he is someone who is a very famous goalkeeper. Let’s not kid ourselves, an Indian parent would never want his son to be a goalkeeper unfortunately.
The parent is Schumacher. He tells his son in this Universe: “You will be the greatest one, you have to work hard, believe in yourself and be successful.”. And also in another parallel universe he tells his son this: “You will be the greatest one, you have to work hard, believe in yourself and do not be afraid of being unsuccessful”. That’s it. These are the patterns. In the first case, Schumacher’s son will be unsuccessful if he cares and in the second case he will be successful if he cares.
Thanks for caring enough to read!
Phil was a snitch and he got caught!
Here, there was no any specific brief. I just answered the question why people in depression are left alone most of the time. All the ideas are product of my observations.
Why ‘not being yourself’ pushes you into a depression?
Whatever, wherever, however you do, I mean whatever, wherever, however, unless you are on a mission on Mars alone, even then, you deal with people. When you are alone you deal with yourself. Basically, you are treated like how you treat yourself alone. And think about how your company is. Are you happy when you are alone with yourself or not? If yes, then don’t worry you are good.
If you need something, someone or somewhere to feel good/happy/cheerful, etc. then I have news for you, as Master Oogway from the first Kung Fu Panda movie-animation said: there is no good or bad news, there is just news: You are not being yourself. I hear you ask why. Because you don’t love yourself, forget about love, you don’t even like yourself a little bit, as you should know I am putting my fingers very close to each other.
So here is the deal, let me tell you the reality: people only really like people who love their own selves. I am saying ‘really’ because everyone can fake liking someone for their money or any other reason.I am not here to enlighten you with some secrets, I am here to enlighten you with only one secret. The secret to why not liking yourself pushes you into depression or to put in other words why everyone keeps their distance from you when you are not being yourself which may be the reason to push you into depression.
Buckle up! Here we go!
I don’t know why you don’t like yourself. Everyone has their own special childhood traumas and parents to cause this. However, it is your job to find the reason. Between you and me, it is probably your parents. Once you find it, it won’t be a miracle and turn you into a very different person but it will trigger your real self to be liked and most importantly to be liked by you. It is a process. Please talk to your therapist!
Let’s go to high school. We are following a student. Philip is his name. Philip enters the class for the first time with worry in his eyes. His heart pounds like a cheetah runs. Then he sat in his seat and couldn’t say hello to the person nearest to him. Because he thinks that may bother her on the surface. But he really thinks is that he is not worthy to even say hello to her.
Let’s fast forward to 8 years later. Philip is in an office working, minding his own business. Colleagues come and talk to him and he talks to them. Improvement, right? You think that Phil changed, right? No! He is the same. He is now conversational because he has to, workwise; Seldom he gets into contact with colleagues about daily staff, fun, or politics. With those rare contacts, colleagues start to form their own perceptions of Philip. Philip smiles a lot, is a positive person, he rarely rejects anything, he puts himself before no one. But one day!
One day! Philip does something not good but not so bad maybe says something that causes everybody, every colleague to forget about all the perceptions they had for him before. After 6 months his work friends decide that they don’t know Phil and they start to stay away. Is it just?Let me hear. No, right? It is not just. Actually, it is, because now Phil is getting to be treated like how he treats himself. But why? Why is Phil being treated the way he gets treated? I am one of his colleagues and I will tell you why.
I knew Phil as it is described above mainly positive. But before that let me tell you about Cameroon whom we call Cam. Cam is easily distracted under stress and you shouldn’t contact him when he is under so much pressure workwise. Everybody knows this and acts accordingly. Because he doesn’t go and dislikes himself because of that feature of himself. We love him despite that. And actually, we like him when he reacts when he is under pressure.
If we were in an awkwardly directed and written movie Phil would become a zombie in the eyes of his colleagues as soon as he told his line. Phil is a zombie now, nobody thinks this zombie is the Phil they knew. Once a zombie you get to be shot in the head. That is the perfect reason to stay away from him because he may bite and he is unexpected.
You get the point, right? People program every person they know as they perceive them. When one of those codes fails they get alerted and create a new code that tells them to stay away from that unexpected and liar snitch.
I am just showing off now. Let me tell you briefly. You know Phil as described: good, positive, easygoing, etc. However when he said that mean thing suddenly that shocked everyone. Phil himself now knows his cover is off. He is not the real Phil. Phil is a snitch. But serves no organization, not even the FBI. Why Phil hides behind the fake Phil. You know why. Because he dislikes himself and that is why he discourages himself to do the things he really wants to do, thinking everybody would hate him.
So are you a snitch? Nobody likes snitches! Even yourself!